Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize