WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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