I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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