separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
