i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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