And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
