I want to walk on stilts...naked
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize