She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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