dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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