the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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