do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
