I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
