Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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