I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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