I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
