exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
