On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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