i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
