I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
