Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
