You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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