Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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