i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
