New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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