Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
