Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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