youre lurking in front of me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
