We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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