take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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