It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
