I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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