I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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