Umm I'm too high to move.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
