Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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