just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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