You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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