Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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