Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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