I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
