brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize