i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
