There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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