I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
