ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
