Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize