Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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