this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
