I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
