Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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