Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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