No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He better not be in your backpack
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
