On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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