Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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