Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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