just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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