i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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