im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
