Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
