I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
