Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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