The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
