physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
