he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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