So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize