Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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