So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
