i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
