you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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