I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
