I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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